It was the first day of school and the seventh grade class had a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman named Suzuki. The teacher began by reviewing American history. "Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?'" There was a sea of blank faces, except for young Mr. Suzuki, who reluctantly raised his hand. "Patrick Henry, 1775?" he asked. "Very good! Now, class, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth?'" Again, only Suzuki raised his hand. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Suzuki, a newcomer to our country, knows more American history than you do!" From the back of the room came a loud whisper. "Screw the Japanese!" "Who said that?" demanded the teacher. Suzuki's hand shot up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982!" At that, one boy said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared. "That's enough now! Who said that?" Suzuki said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Furious, another student yelled, "Oh, yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki shouted, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" An angry voice cried, "You little sh*t! If you ever say anything again, you'll be dead!" Suzuki yelled, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001!"

Several men are in the locker room of a private club, dressing after exercising, when a cell phone rings. A man picks it up and has the following conversation: "Hello?" "Hi, honey; it's me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I found a gorgeous mink coat at the mall! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $7,500." "Well, okay, if you like it..." "Great. I also stopped by to see the new Mercedes models because I think it’s time to exchange the BMW that you bought me last year. I love that new two-seater and the salesman quoted me a price of only $90,000..." "Well, okay, but for that price, make sure it includes all the options." "Great. But before you hang up, I was reconciling our bank accounts and, well, I saw our real estate agent this morning and she says that house we looked at last year has come down in price! Remember it? The one with the pool, the acre of English gardens, on the ocean?" "How much are they asking?" "Only 2-point-5. It’s a steal! And we do have that much in the bank..." "Well, if it will make you happy…go ahead." "Oh, sweetie, you're the greatest. Thanks! See you later! Love you!" The man hangs up, holds the phone up in the air, and says, "Anybody know whose phone this is?"

Three guys go to a job interview. The first guy enters the office for his interview and is surprised to see the interviewer has no ears. "This job requires good powers of observation. Make one observation about me." So the guy replies, "You ain't got no ears!" "Get out!" screams the interviewer. The next guy goes in. Again the interviewer says, "This job requires good powers of observation. Make one observation about me." So the guy replies, "You ain't got no ears!" "Get out!" screams the interviewer. As the third guy stands up to enter the office the first two guys they tell him, "The guy giving the interview doesn't have any ears and he's a little touchy about it." The third guy enters the office. Again the man says, "This job requires good powers of observation. Make one observation about me." So the guy says, "You wear contact lenses." The interviewer is impressed. "Excellent. Tell me, how did you know?" "Well, you couldn't wear glasses, 'cause you ain't got no ******' ears!"

A blonde was at a job interview. “Miss, what is your age?” She counted on her fingers a while, then replied, “Um .. 22.” The interviewer was unimpressed. “What is your height?” She stood up, pulled a tape measure from her purse, trapped one end under her foot, extended it to her head, then read the measurement and announced, “Five foot, two!” It’s not looking good. “And just to confirm for our records, may I have your name, please?” The blonde starts bobbing her head from side to side while mouthing silently until she came up with the answer: “Jenny!” The interviewer was completely baffled. “What did you do when I asked you your name?” “Oh, that? I was just singing, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear...’”

 

In order to meet the conditions for a single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom must cease using the phrase "Spending a pound." From now on, the correct terminology will be "Euronating."

After having dug 100m, British scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came with the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one millennium ago. So as not to be outdone, in the weeks to follow, the French dug 200m (100m deeper than their neighbors) and headlines in the French newspapers read: "French scientists found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers" and concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Brits," One week later the Egyptian press reported the following: "After having dug as deep as 500, the Egyptian scientists found absolutely nothing and concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using cellular phones." !!