The movie theater manager had heard complaints from several customers about a cowboy lying sprawled across four seats in a posh Amarillo theatre. He decided he would have to do something. Sure enough, there was a man, lying across four seats. He whispered to the cowboy, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to sit up. Only one seat per customer." The cowboy just groaned. The manager grew angry. "Sir, if you don't sit up, I'm going to call the police." The cowboy groaned again. So the manager summoned the police. They entered the theater together and found the cowboy in exactly the same place. The cop took charge. "All right, buddy. What's your name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" Sam groaned, "The balcony."

 

A man woke up in the hospital after a serious car accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I know. That's perfectly normal. I cut off your arms!"

 

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50." "Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

 

A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. ''Yes.''

 

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.'' "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. ''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''

 

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions, ” replied the lawyer. “Isn't that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

 

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman. "How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked. "One," replied the new guy. "Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?" The salesman answered, "$58,334." Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain. "First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV." The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?" "No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's shot. You should probably go fishing."